Once upon a time, there was a young boy named Mac, whose mother asked him to go to market to find some mousse.
As is often the case with young boys, Mac misunderstood that his mother was asking for hair products and instead found a moose at the market. When Mac returned home, his mother was furious.
However, the next morning, Mac and his mother woke up to find the moose MAKING BREAKFAST.
They couldn’t believe their eyes (and noses, and taste buds!).
The moose was an excellent chef. His specialty was fried eggs– always done to perfection! He’d put the eggs on potatoes, and sandwiches, and hamburgers (which are technically also sandwiches, but honestly deserve to be placed in their own category).
That summer, Mac decided to take the moose into town to see if the two could open a restaurant. However, no one would give them a loan unless they could prove that the moose could actually cook without being a health hazard. For years, the moose worked at a diner, making half the money he deserved, just to prove himself.
The moose was obviously a talent. His fried egg dishes were famous far and wide throughout the land. However, Mac was growing older and soon met a beautiful girl and the two were married. He forgot all about his dear friend, moose.
The moose was exploited and treated as if he were a freak because he had no one to defend him or speak on his behalf. He was locked in a cage and forced to cook only what people ordered which stifled his creativity. He was an artist, for goodness sake!
But one day, Mac remembered the moose. How could he have forgotten? Alas, Mac finally found the moose penned up behind the diner at which he’d been left many years ago.
“Moose!” Mac cried, “You are a treasure and can make fried eggs! What are you doing here, as a prisoner?”
This, of course, was a rhetorical questions because moose can’t speak.
But Mac could see that the moose had been here for many years and because of his extraordinary talents, the moose had been metaphorically torn apart and exploited for his rare abilities. The moose was tired and broken and weary.
Mac decided that he and his wife would take the moose from this terrible place and find a dream worthy of his talents. They also gave the moose a name: Donald. Certainly, this would restore his dignity.
As the years passed, Donald worked hard developing recipes in a kitchen perfectly designed for his unique stature. Soon, he and Mac opened a restaurant named after the two of them: McDonald’s. Perhaps you’ve heard of it?
So, the boy and the moose lived happily ever after.
And if you’re ever wondering why your Egg McMuffin tastes particularly fried, or you cannot order a milkshake because the ice cream machine is down, it’s probably because a moose is frying the eggs or because moose have hooves and can’t work an ice cream machine, duh.