Wander Woman

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Once upon a time, there was a young girl named Brianna. She was like most young girls, except she lived on an island with a bunch of women and there were no men because life was easier that way and they lived happily ever after.

THE END.

 

I’m kidding.

She was like most young girls, except she lived on the island with her mother in a village of women. According to legend, the men of the island had been exiled from the village and its island because they were always forgetting to put down the toilet seats and the women couldn’t handle it anymore.

Years had passed and all was peaceful on the island until Brianna was born. Brianna was the only child on the island and was actually the daughter of the island’s protector, Truce. His name was Truce because it was rumored that, someday, his daughter would be powerful enough to form a truce between man and woman again.

Brianna was a curious girl. She would often wander away from home and disobey her mother’s counsel. All she ever wanted to do was get off the island that trapped her restless heart. So, her aunt began to train her in the art of adventuring, scavenging, and fending for herself, for the women knew that if man came back to the island to fight, all the women had to do was flee into the woods to lose the men. The men would be too proud to ask one another for directions, fight over how to build a proper fire, and eventually die off.

Brianna became the best adventurer on the island and, by the time she was an adult, she knew the place like the back of her metaphorical (and literal) hand.

One day, Brianna was building a fire when she saw a parachute fall from the sky. She didn’t know it was a parachute, however, because she had never seen one before. She thought it was a giant jellyfish which is kind of terrifying when you think about it. And, attached to the parachute was a man! He was falling into the sea!

Brianna dove into the water to save this man from the water, especially now that this jellyfish would probably have the advantage over him. She quickly got to the man and pulled him to shore.

The man was startled to see a woman of such beauty when he awoke. He introduced himself as Kevin and said he was from a land with both men and women. He also explained that there was a war raging where he was from: A war over woman’s right to vote. Brianna knew that she had to leave and help Kevin win this war so that men and women could be at peace once again.

Brianna, against the better judgment of her mother, left the island with Kevin to go to a place called the “United States.” Upon arrival, Brianna learned that it was something called “1912” and that it was socially unacceptable to scavenge and eat bugs she found on the road. She was learning.

And Kevin was right: There really was a war going on. Men were the only ones allowed to do a lot of things like vote, speak in public, work, and wear comfortable shoes. It was an outrage!

And so, Brianna began scavenging around town for friends to rally to the cause. A few men who saw the importance of hearing women’s voices came to her aide. They decided that Briana would disguise herself as a man, run for office, and wander around town campaigning undercover.

Somehow, it worked! Everyone became so familiar with this stranger and so hated the politicians who usually ran for office that she was voted mayor!

The day Brianna was to be sworn into office, however, something happened: A man named Larry found out her secret. Never trust a guy named Larry.

Just as Brianna was about to take the oath of office (if that’s a thing you do when you’re mayor), Larry leaped forward and tore the fake beard from her face!

“Ha!” Larry yelled, “You all voted for a WOMAN!”

Everyone in the room gasped, both because they were startled that Brianna was a woman and also because that beard looked so real, like, what was it made of?

Kevin stepped forward and tried to explain that Brianna was more than qualified to be the mayor, but no one would listen because they thought he was just a ghost, for they had heard rumors that he had been eaten by a giant jellyfish off the coast of some island.

Brianna became distraught, but kept her cool and challenged Larry to a duel of wits. It was the highest stakes trivia night you ever did see.

And wouldn’t you know? The trivia was mostly about mythology (or, what Brianna might call “history”) and Brianna won!

Brianna became the mayor of that small, Georgia town that day, and she would have married Kevin soon thereafter if she wasn’t afraid a jellyfish was following him and might eat her someday.

That same year, Brianna founded the largest group of female scavengers and adventurers the world had ever seen, called the “Girl Scouts.” Less than ten years later, she campaigned for the cause of women’s suffrage in the United States– and this time, the women won.

And so, everyone lived happily ever after even though men still leave the toilet seat up sometimes. But it’s okay because women do things like leave their hair in the shower on occasions. Ya gotta choose your battles.

THE END.

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Author: Madisson

I am a storyteller by nature. I am a joke-teller by choice.

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