Once upon a time, there was a happy porpoise named Polly.
Now, you may be wondering what a “porpoise” is. If so, here’s a picture for your reference:
Isn’t she adorable?
Anyway, Polly was not like other sea creatures. She was not fast or graceful. Many of her friends were happy and playful dolphins, but she wasn’t quite a dolphin, so always felt like she didn’t fit in. Polly’s mom would always tell her:
“You don’t want to be like those other bottle-nosed dolphins anyway. They’re annoying and mean and not nearly as adorable as you.”
Polly knew her mom was saying this only because she was her daughter, but she appreciated it nonetheless.
One day at school, Polly saw that there was going to be a big race. She was going to enter the race to prove to her school that she was fast and that porpoises were just as good as dolphins and whales and other sea creatures (except octopuses because they’re cool and do things like regrow legs and squirt ink).
Polly trained for the race for weeks and, when the day came for her to prove herself, she was excited. She showed up to the race and looked at the roster. To her dismay, she saw the name of someone she’d sincerely hoped she wouldn’t see:
Princess Dolphina. The heiress.
In case you’re not sure what an heiress looks like, here’s a picture for your reference:
Oh wait, no. Crap. That’s hairless. Here’s an heiress:
Ok, now just pretend that the picture above is of a majestic dolphin heiress wearing a crown and you get the idea.
Unfortunately, Princess Dolphina was the fastest creature in the sea. She was Polly’s biggest competition. Actually, she was Polly’s only competition because when the other competitors saw Dolphina had entered the race, they dropped out.
When the whistle blew for the race to begin, Princess Dolphina took a rocketing start, but Polly knew not to be discouraged. She whispered to herself:
“Slow and steady wins the race. Keep the pace. Don’t get hungry.”
What? She got hungry easily and didn’t want it to distract her.
Dolphina eventually got so far ahead of Polly that she stopped off and made her butler (for all heiresses have butlers) cook her a snack.
But Polly still did not give up and continued to whisper:
“Slow and steady wins the race. Keep the pace. I have to pee.”
What? She did. But it wasn’t a huge issue because she was in the ocean.
Dolphina began to get really confident and, after she raced forward for a few more minutes, she stopped and got hair extensions. Yes– a dolphin with hair is as ridiculous as it sounds. But at least now she wasn’t a hairless heiress.
But Polly continued ahead, whispering:
“Slow and steady wins the race. Keep the pace. I just swallowed a goldfish.”
Dolphina could see the finish line ahead, but didn’t see Polly anywhere. So, she decided to take a little nap to embarrass Polly when she got to the end and saw that she had enough time to take a nap. Rude.
Three hours later, Polly made it to the finish line. She saw Dolphina lying there and was very embarrassed. So embarrassed, that she began to cry. But she was in the ocean, so no one could tell.
One thing porpoises do have going for them is that they are great for flying under the radar! Remember how I had to tell you what a porpoise was at the beginning of this? Case in point.
Polly sneaked right past Dolphina and past the finish line.
Slow and steady and hungry and having to pee and swallowing a goldfish really DOES win the race!
Unfortunately, no one noticed because porpoises are so good at flying under the radar.
But that day, Polly gained newfound confidence and started to believe in herself. And wouldn’t you know? Because Polly was so good at flying under the radar (and sonar), she’s the only one of her friends that hasn’t been captured to live in Sea World.
And Polly and her family lived happily ever after.