Once upon a time, there was a young princess named Roulette.
And, in another kingdom, there lived a prince named Chip.
The two were betrothed from a very young age– which is why their names were loosely related to one another using gambling terminology. It’s always a toss-up whether betrothals will work out, especially if the children are strong willed.
Also in the kingdom was an evil sorcerer named Rottenheart. His name was Rottenheart because he was mean, but also he was in terrible health.
One day, Roulette’s father outlawed sorcery and, simultaneously, raised the cost of the kingdom healthcare, so Rottenheart got very angry and swore he would have revenge on Roulette’s father.
For 16 years, Roulette and Chip’s parents had the two meet each summer to get acquainted with one another. When it came time for the two to get married, Chip told Roulette,
“You are so smart.”
Roulette knew immediately that Chip found her repulsively ugly. So, she decided to run away.
Unfortunately, Rottenheart was waiting for a moment such as this to kidnap Roulette and cast a spell on her.
He disguised himself as an elephant (which is the PERFECT disguise because no one would suspect someone to disguise himself as something so conspicuous!). Rottenheart caught Roulette with his trunk (he really should’ve disguised himself as something with apposable thumbs) and chanted,
“You my dear are smartest of all and you will also be artsy soon// for the rest of your life when the sun rises, you will turn into a cartoon.”
This was absurd. But oftentimes, the truest things in life are the most foolish.
Meanwhile, everyone in the kingdom was panicking, for Princess Roulette was missing! Chip fretted for he realized that this was mostly his fault for not worshiping the ground Roulette walked on and neglecting to call her super hot.
Roulette was Rottenheart’s prisoner– living as a cartoon version of herself during the day, and as her 3-dimensional self at night. And Prince Chip searched far and wide, but (ironically) the odds were not in his favor.
A year passed and still, Chip continued his search for Princess Roulette.
One day, Chip was walking out in the forest, searching for the great elephant that was rumored to have taken Roulette, when he heard something rustling in the forest leaves. He followed the sound, wielding a bow and arrow when, suddenly, he tripped down a hill and rolled toward Rottenheart’s castle!
When he came to, he saw a giant.. a giant… It was a giant coloring page!
On the page was drawn an entire world– trees and animals and grass and a sky as blue as, well, the sky.
And, on the page, was an enormous elephant. Without thinking, Chip picked up his bow and shot through the giant page, narrowly missing a woman drawn on it– a beautiful woman.
It was a woman who looked oddly like–
ROULETTE! OH MY GOSH– HE ALMOST KILLED ROULETTE.
Chip ran to the page and tried to communicate with her, but she could not respond. Sometimes, he thought he saw her wink or wave her hand, but it was only the motion of the paper blowing in the gentle wind.
Just as Chip was losing hope, the sun began to set. And, as soon as darkness covered Roulette’s animated world, she tore herself from the page!
Chip embraced her as she quickly explained that she was under a spell and that the only thing that could save her was a truthful and genuine profession of undying love.
But Chip couldn’t commit to this. He didn’t really love her. He had to grow to love her. So, Chip visited Roulette every night to become her friend because if you aren’t friends with someone you can’t possibly claim to like them someday– much less love them. He returned every night and drew flowers, and delicious food, and a crystal pond reflecting the light of the sun so that, when Roulette had to go back to her animated world, it wouldn’t be so bad.
Finally, the day came when Chip felt that he truly did love Roulette.
BUT HA HA! You had forgotten about Rottenheart– hadn’t you!
As you know, all jerks with rotten hearts eavesdrop. Rottenheart had been eavesdropping on Chip and Roulette every night, hoping to intervene at just the right moment to reclaim his prisoner.
That evening, Chip traveled to see Roulette. He saw the back of a beautiful woman drawn on the page and ran up to her. He professed his love to her, saying:
“Oh Roulette. If you will take a chance on me, I will love you for always and forever.”
Just then, the sun began to set and the woman turned around to reveal–
Rottenheart wearing a wig?!
Oh no! Chip confessed his undying love to someone who was a terrible person and also dying. This was unfortunate indeed.
But Chip was a quick thinker: The sun had only begun to set, so Chip still had time to thwart Rottenheart’s plan. He always had art supplies on him when visiting Roulette, so he pulled out an eraser and began to erase Rotteneheart before he turned into a 3-D person again!
First, he erased Rottenheart’s legs,
then his arms,
and his head,
and his torso,
until all that was left was his heart.
He finished and, when Chip looked up, he saw a real-life, 3-dimensional world around him that had not been there before.
It was the world he had drawn for Roulette– come to life!
Just then, he heard the sound of Roulette calling his name. He saw her coming toward him and ran to meet her. The spell had been broken!
The two were married the next day and, just for your reference, here were Chip’s vows:
“Roulette, I will love you always and forever. You’re smart. And super hot.”
Ah yes, Chip had learned his lesson.
So the two lived happily ever after.